I'VE DONE IT TO MYSELF

I recently fractured my elbow when I tripped in the garage over a sleeping bag. I was carrying groceries tripped, hit my head on a chair (heard it crack), craned my neck and landed on my arm. I sat up, my arm in great pain and at first I thought it may be broken. I could barely move it. I was wondering how I would get off the floor; my sore arm being my predominate one. Somehow I managed to get up using my other arm and went in to the house to call my husband. I was still a little in shock, and I hadn't gotten the all the groceries in or put away.

My husband was on his way to the store and he asked if I wanted him to turn around and I said no, just get home as soon as you can...I knew he wouldn't be long. He said, "Don't worry about the groceries, I'll bring them in."

I said, "That was what I was going to ask you, with my voice wavering."

That evening I debated whether I should take a trip to the Doctor or not and by morning decided I should. I got in at 10 a.m. and found out I had a fractured elbow.

I told my husband that I'm not supposed to lift anything with it and I'm supposed to get a sling. The first thing out of his mouth? "How are you going to cook?"

What have I done? I have been doing too much for my family; so much that they don't think or know how to cope when I am disposed. It's my own fault. I really knew better, but when you love someone you WANT to do things for them.

The problem is, it is enabling them to become dependent. It may go against the grain of how you feel, but it is kinder to make them do things for themselves or at least take turns with tasks.

As women, we need to demand respect. And if we behave in a way that encourages their dependence it is interpreted as weakness. Subconsciously they see you with less respect because you do not appear to respect yourself enough to demand something from them.

I know this is not the case, but our psyches are still programed with these ancient perceptions.

How can we fix it. Ah, a difficult question. Start asking more of them a little bit at a time, increasing your demands slowly until you no longer feel taken for granted. If you think you don't feel that way, you are kidding yourself. You do. You long to be treated as you treat them, and they will, if you demand respect. Another step to take is to take better care of yourself. Take the time to paint your nails, exercise, read, have a hobby. This will also bring respect.

What will this do for our children? It will be a good example for them so they too will be respected. So they will take care of themselves.

This does not mean you won't perform acts of kindness.—You still should, but in a more limited way. If you limit how much you bestow your act of love on them, they will appreciate it more, rather than taking it for granted. I know it doesn't seem like it lines up with the teachings of Christ, but he teaches us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. That means we must love ourselves. This sounds like a paradigm of equality to me.

Tell me your stories and how you have coped...oh, and even though I know better, I have to be reminded over and over to put this to practice myself.

Ruth

WHY THE INTEREST IN THE PARANORMAL?

Why do we see so many women interested in the paranormal. Books like Twilight and Nora Roberts' recent trilogy involving a pagen stone that exudes magical and demonic influence and power on three boys.

We hunger for the supernatural.... or rather the spiritual. Our everyday lives are void of the spiritual that should be central to our lifestyle, but has been banished by a culture that does not believe...does not see what is so obviously around us.

WOMEN UNKNOWINGLY RUN THE WORLD

Thank God for all you women who unknowingly run the world, That is what I am hoping we can change. We need to let women know that they are the one great power of influence. and with that comes responsibility.

ENDING MY SECOND SEMESTER

I am ending the second semester in this new variation in my life. This my second year celebrating Christmas without my parents. Little twinges of grief come around from time to time. I miss them, but I have moved on.

For a long time I had my mother as my best friend to depend on for support, but after she died I have had no one to fill that gap in my life. Part of the reason that I started the Black Bra Club was because I appreciated so much what my parents, especially what my mother had done for me.

I almost succumbed to the grief and sorrow, then I got mad. Anger can sometimes be a blessing. I decided I was not going to give up and I was going to honor the wonderful person my mother was by going back to school to become a teacher. I can mentor kids the way I was mentored. My mother was a teacher's aide and volunteered at the school after she retired.

I decided I needed to make my life more meaningful and in doing so I could honor the memory of my parents, and take better care of my household. It will enable me to spend time with my husband in the summer and go ahead and do some of the other things I liked to do. It hasn't been easy. I still have waves of grief and moments of despair by the pressure of the position I am in, but I have a new determination to be "that" woman who goes after what she wants, while still being thoughtful of my family.